So… what was your first time like?
In all honesty, I have been doing life drawing before I joined Nude Life.
However, the group sizes were not as big and the ambience was quite different. This little anecdote will be about my first session with Nude Life.
Days leading up to the event, I received an email with the sessions detail. The location, the time, people attending etc.
My heart just dropped when I saw the attendees list.
That is 25 people set to draw me. Bearing in mind that before Nude Life the maximum group of people I had was 5.
This is when the panic kicked in. 25 set of eyes just analysing every contour of my body.
It was a hard realisation that before this event, I had only considered life art as a means to help my self-confidence but this was a whole new board game. The dynamics had completely shifted where I was not just the centrepiece but also the life of the session. I could no longer be quiet, let people draw me and sink back but had to engage the attention of the class and make sure they feel comfortable.
At this point, I could barely engage and be comfortable myself. How the hell am I going to do that with 25 people?!
The night before, I barely got a few hours of sleep in. Spent all night contemplating all the worst case scenarios.
What if they hate me? Yes, I know hate is a strong word but I wasn’t being rational at this point.
What if I break pose?
What if I can’t control my breathing? Surprisingly, harder than it sounds
With broken sleep, I get to the event. Open the door and see 25 women sitting on a number of tables spread out across this little pub.
My heart sank.
I asked for the lady who organised the event, passed along the required stationary and left for the changing room to literally ‘de-robe’.
I could feel my heart pounding and being the hypochondriac that I am, thought I was having my heartache.
I wanted to quit and just run away but then I felt bad as I was going to ruin an evening for 25 people. I managed to get undressed, put my pinny on and made my way.
As I entered, all I could hear were cheeky whistles and cat calls.
One person legitly said, ‘How you doin?’
Not going to lie but it did make me feel better but I was not in the clear just yet.
As this was not a traditional life art class, I had to take control of the session rather than a tutor. While I was explaining the format I could hear my voice breaking.
‘Get a grip Moose’ I kept saying to myself.
‘Just ride the wave’.
The time finally came to take the pinny off and get in the first pose.
The moment of truth
My flight or fight response.
Well, I would like to say, I killed it but in all honesty, it was not that smooth. I awkwardly got in my pose and in my head, I was thinking 5 minutes is doable. I was so wrong. Literally the longest 5 minutes of my life. I could barely stay still and to top it all off, the fear of the darting eyes was staring at me from every angle imaginable. Up, down left right – stop, look and draw. It felt like time was at a complete standstill. However, as this was happening and as the timer was counting down I was coming to terms with it.
I’m naked in front of 25 complete strangers.
Was I scared? Yes.
Am I scared now? Not so much.
‘Times up’, I heard from the back and I get out of the pose. Well, I did it, I thought to myself.
Just have to do the same thing 4 more times.
In the meantime, I looked at peoples drawings and started having a chat with each and every attendee. I got to be me and talk about why I did this. Everyone was curious to know what made me get into life drawing and I regurgitated everything I said in my previous blog.
By the end of it, a number of people came up to me and applauded me for my ‘bravery’.
If they only knew an hour go I was contemplating running away.
So yeah, I managed to face my fear and ended up making it out alive.
To answer a recurring question:
How do you have the balls to do this?
The answer simply is I kind of grew them on the job.
PS: This first session is now a promo video for Nude Life.
Think you've got the balls? Apply to be a life model here.